If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
