Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
