She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
