Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
