i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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