I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
