She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
