hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
