my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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