ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
