Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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