You're my little dorito
If that was your dad, he is hot
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need moral support for this bender
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
