i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
