got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
