ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
