I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
