She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
