You're my little dorito
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
