my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have so much sex to catch up on
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
