Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
