Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
