my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
