i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
