My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
