If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to have your abortion
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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