i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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