At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
4 words: hood of his car
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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