I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
