just come out here and I will go home with you...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
