why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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