you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
