so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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