Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
