Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
