Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I bet he comes in French.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
