you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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