Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
