Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
