So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
