remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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