Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
