I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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