ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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