These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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