Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
