Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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