Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
