Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
