I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
