He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
