If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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