someone threw a dead crab at me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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