Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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