alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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