Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
