Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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