Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
