you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
