4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
