Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
